Play Ball!

    Our archery coach took us to the European Archery festival soon after Academy Day. We watched impossible seeming shooting, I learned a bit more about bows, decided that I was not interested in shelling out the money for a hobby (I already do that enough with singing and karate), and became horrifically nauseated on the bus, as per usual on any of these trips. Damn these narrow, winding English roads. I’m sorry Britain, but you’re just a mess of crisscrossing, smooshed-together roads and pavement that MIGHT have made sense three hundred years ago when they were still cowpaths. What was it Doug Stanhope said? “Hitler did his best to help the UK and level that country flat so that they could start over, like some extreme country makeover. And what’d the Brit’s do? They spat in Hitler’s face and built it back brick by brick exactly the way it was eleven hundred years ago when it didn’t make sense.” Thank you Doug. Screw you car sickness.
    Anyhow, the next day was when I was supposed to go to Manchester for a debating competition, but, between you and me, I just really didn’t feel like it. Aside from not wanting to miss a day of classes, I just couldn’t be bothered with it. I mean, debate’s fun and all and I want to go to Manchester, but I just don’t think that I would have gotten as much out of it as I would have by listening to my media teacher talk at the class for an hour or listen to students chatting and ignoring my English teacher… I think I made a terrible mistake. Opportunity for adventure and luxury: Strike out.
    WHY DIDN’T I GO TO MANCHESTER!?!? A note to any traveling student in England: Even if you actually have work to do that has any impact on your future (which I don’t this year), when a teacher offers to take you to Manchester for the day, letting you skip classes and travel and listen to a bunch of nerds have at each other AND if he offers free train fair and a pizza at the end of it all, GO TO MANCHESTER!!! Oh, and to you nerds out there, I do not use the title in a condescending manner. I identify as a geek myself and many of my friends are nerds. Settle down.
    So yeah, that happened. And two days later, I failed to redeem myself in competitive house debating in school, as my team lost miserably in an argument where we were in favor of keeping the internet around. I mean, how could anyone lose an argument like that, huh? If you have me on your team, that’s how.
    The next day, our English class departed for London to see “King Lear” (my personal favorite of Shakespeare’s plays) which, I can tell you, was not for free. Nor was the production as good as what I had seen in Boston last year, despite the larger budget and it being directed by Sam Mendes. Oh well, it was still good and entertaining. Aside from that, we walked about London for an hour, trying and failing to find a cheap or at least reasonably priced restaurant, with me annoying everyone else with insistent questions like “What’s that building?” or “Is that the London Eye?” or “Does anyone else feel like this tunnel is the kind of place where someone would be waiting to mug you at night?” It rained all day and of course I’d forgotten my umbrella. It doesn’t matter that everything I wore was water-proof. The main thing is that I missed another opportunity to be a gentleman and offer my umbrella to another, preferably a cute girl. I’d even set it aside that morning and everything. Oh well. Another opportunity to chat with a girl arose on the train ride back when one of my peers noticed me jotting some thoughts into my notepad (I carry it everywhere) and asked what I was writing about. When I said how I was taking some notes about an idea I’d just had to include in a book I’m trying to write, she asked me to explain it. Now, normally, I get ludicrously excited whenever someone asks me to describe my stories to them, especially this book, which I started last April. Hell, just ask my friend Hunter back home. I was quite literally jumping around his living room in elation as I talked about it for maybe fifteen minutes. I’m not even sure if I bothered to breathe as I bounced off of the walls. Well, remembering that, I tried not to get too excited this time and, also aware of how geeky I sounded (yes, this time it might have been a bad thing), I tried to dial it back. Instead of acting all cool as I’d intended, I sort of jumped around in fits and spurts of exhilaration, slowing and sometimes even stopping right in the middle of a thought. Glad as I was that she was paying attention, I was only too aware of how painfully awkward I was being. Opportunity for chatting with a girl: Strike two. She turned around for an instant and I pretended to forget my train of thought. When she turned back, I asked her about travel and soon we were browsing each others pictures on our phones and telling stories about them. Opportunity for chatting with a girl: Well, at least I hit the ball.

    The next day my history teacher, while lecturing us about Queen Elizabeth, was keen to explain the dangers of investing in exploration voyages, such as the ones going to the new world at the time. “This is a dangerous prospect, going into uncharted land,” he said. “Some of those ships may never come back. Some of them may be eaten by the natives.” He suddenly turned and stared right at me and I suddenly started to crave a haunch of wood-smoked history teacher. Instead, I had yogurt for lunch, which the English love pointing out to me is pronounced “yah-gert” not “yo-gurt.” I have yet to hear the end of this two months later.
    I visited the gym with one of my day-student roommates, Declan. When I started to drink some water from my bottle once we were back in our room, Declan grabbed the bottle and upended the whole thing in my mouth, holding it in place for the water to pour in. Not wanting to spill anything and somewhat motivated by the unspoken challenge, I began to chug. Now, have you ever noticed how everything is funnier when you either can’t breathe or are in mild pain? Well, aside from his chanting “Go go go” in my ear, he stopped to ask a question. “Is it coming out of your nose?” In any other situation, I’d probably just look at him as if he’d asked me if Germany was a part of Korea. Instead, in my suffocation-induced delirium, I cracked up. I sprayed water all over the room, getting his desk, the spare bed, and, of course, him. We were both laughing like maniacs until he noticed that I’d managed to soak his blazer too. Whoops.
    That night, I came down with a fever. Again. I have failed to mention this earlier, but I seem to have been sick every other week or so since I’ve been in England. Just when I thought myself safe for a while after three uninhibited weeks, it struck and, of course, the first thing that I ever lose is my voice. I had to miss all of school on Friday. Turns out Declan wasn’t too sore about the blazer, because he brought in his 3DS for me to mess with that morning without me knowing. When I came back to the room from six hours in sickbay, he and Sam leapt up to greet me, “Matt’s alive!” Declan said.
    “God damn it, Matt’s alive!” Sam exclaimed as they practically shoved me into my own bed, ordering me to heal. Declan then presented me with the 3DS and insisted that we were watching the latest episode of “Naruto” on my computer. Now, I don’t tend to watch much TV, anime, or play many video games anymore, but I’m a sucker for those semi-magical ninjas and “The Legend of Zelda.” Te he he. After they ensured that I wouldn’t be productive for the rest of the weekend, they left me to rediscover Hyrule and recover. The next day, I got another great present.
    I walked into our housemother’s room after breakfast for check in and I noticed a pet crate on the floor. “Um, Rebecca,” I asked. “What’s with the carrier-” I stopped short as a bowling-ball of fur poked its nose from around the corner of the arm chair. “Oh my God! Is that a rabbit?!” She said yes to me and I said to myself “Screw bed rest! Bunny rabbits take priority!” I sat in that room with some of the other guys for maybe three hours, chatting, coughing, and playing with Bobby the Rabbit. I don’t know about you guys, but I say that if there’s a new pet in the house, go mess with it no matter what. Then again, I’ve been kind of pet-starved since I came to England. I probably weird out the locals near Tescos when I ask every dog owner I meet if I can pet their animals. Who cares. The perturbed looks are totally worth it!
    Anyhow, I’m sick again as I write this, so I’m going to call it a night. Apparently I’m to see the doctor in the morning. Yay. After only becoming ill twice last year, this rapid succession of maladies is beyond frustrating. For your own sake, stay away from me. For my sake, some company wouldn’t be uncalled for. It’s a good thing that most of the guys in the dorms around here don’t seem to understand much about personal hygiene. They’re totally unconcerned with a bit of coughing and that suddenly suits me just fine.
    As a side note: A special “Thank you” to Vladimir Putin. “Thank you, Mr. Putin, for essentially invading the Ukraine. This was totally necessary! Just bring about World War Three while you’re at it, why don’t you?”
    Best of luck to the nationalists. Even with the rioting and corrupt government in Kiev, each country and its peoples have the right to sort out themselves and their ideals without external interference. I mean, how is a massive war going to profit anybody? I get that Russia has a history of  conquering to Ukraine for its farmland, but I thought we'd gotten past that after the Cold War! Strike one Russia. Anyhow, good night. Enjoy this sample of English humor that I found on the train.